I’m currently preparing for a meeting at 11am, which I will not be ready for because I had to stop everything I was doing and write this down. There are too many feelings in the room to go on right now.
I have been working on my exam for most of each day since Thursday, but yesterday was a whole new animal. I worked non-stop for 14 hours preparing my ethnography paper, which came directly from my exam and will be used in my proposal. I’m proud of the work, but I also see that there are some areas to be addressed. I’m scared that I won’t be able to finish the rest of the exam unless I continue to work at this pace. I really need to step away, and just sleep. I only had about 8 hours in me yesterday, but I stretched it because of the deadline, and I’m paying for it now. At about 9pm, my eyes went completely blurry, and I knew I needed to step away from the screen, but I just had to add the references page, so I rallied on.
This morning, I have tears in my eyes realizing that I overdid it and I’m totally exhausted, and I’m off to meetings all day where I’ll be revising manuscripts. Tomorrow’s schedule doesn’t look much better, and neither does Thursday’s. I haven’t purchased Christmas presents for anyone, no one is getting cards this year (sorry), and I feel like I’m going to have to sequester myself to a room away from my family during the holiday break so that I can meet my deadline. I put a lot of pressure on myself, too much. Why am I crying right now? Are these real emotions, or am I just exhausted?