I had a mini-meltdown today. I slept until 11am (oops), and by the time I ran my errands and did my chores, it was 3:30pm when I got to work. I started to freak out a little bit, because I have all this reading to do for my classes, but I also want to continue my literature review on teacher turnover. By the end of the day, I did get four hours done, but it was all reading for class.
The truth is that the reading I’m doing is really helping me think through my theoretical framework and methodology. This will help me answer other questions, but it makes me feel like I’m not getting work done on my primary task. After completing the reading for this week, I’m questioning my ontology and the epistemological assumptions associated with the framework I planned to use. This will require a lot more reading and a lot of explanation on my part to iron it out. But this is necessary work, because I need to be confident in the way I want to conduct my study. I’m not just doing it to get it done, I want to do it in the way that makes the most sense for what I want to study. Even though this makes me feel like I’m going down a rabbit hole, the truth is, I just happen to be working on multiple aspects of the same project. Holistically it feels like I’m moving at a snails pace because I’m making progress on multiple ends while not really checking anything off. I love making lists and checking things off, so this is bringing me anxiety. Hence the mini-meltdown.
Despite feeling on edge, I went out for happy hour. Hey, I still deserve to have somewhat of a weekend, and I feel like I haven’t had the chance to just sit down and talk with Mark. He’s been traveling the entire month of October, and with our busy schedules, we just keep missing each other. I’m glad we made the time to take care of us. I also need to make the time to take care of me. I’ve been really good about eating healthy and working out in the last two weeks, but yesterday and today I have eaten like absolute garbage. I mean, who the heck want’s to eat a salad when they’re stressed?! I have to go to the gym tomorrow, or I will be a whale by the time I’m done with this exam. If I don’t step back and take care of myself along this process, I’m going to be a miserable blob (enter: more pressure and stress).
My goal for the weekend is to finish my ethnography homework which includes writing about what I read today and how it relates to my research. I also need to complete my ethics homework which has nothing to do with this project (lovely). This means I won’t make any progress on my literature review, but if I can bang these homework assignments out, that’ll give me Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning to work on the literature review and hopefully check one exam question off the list (preliminarily – because God know’s I’m going to revise, and revise, and revise…).